My Religion is Real; Your Religion Is A Cult

Robert Jeffress, chief asshole pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas, has endorsed Rick Perry.  He based his endorsement in part because Rick Perry is "a committed follower of Christ."  He then had this to say about Mitt Romney:  "Mitt Romney's a good moral person, but he's not a Christian. Mormonism is not Christianity.  It has always been considered a cult by the mainstream of Christianity."  Oh, the irony; and it's completely lost on the asshole that farted it out.

I can never decide if I want to laugh or scream when one branch of christianity piously points out the cultish behavior of another branch.  It's not that I disagree with the assertion.  It's just that it both amuses and annoys me that the accuser refuses to see the cultish behavior of his own brand of christianity.  The entire Abrahamic pantheon is cultish, but since my knowledge is primarily of christian behavior, I'll leave the discussion of Judaism and Islam to people more educated on the matters than I.  

It's not difficult to understand why Jeffress called the Mormon religion a cult.  The whole plural marriage thing alone is a bit bizarre to those of us in western society.  Then throw in the lost texts with a translating stone and lily-white natives in America (allegedly pleasing in appearance to skydaddy) and it does indeed resemble a cult.  Many mainstream Protestants also consider Jehovah's Witnesses and Catholics to be cultists and non-christian, too.  Of course, the ass clowns that call these religions cults and denounce the christianity of said religions omit the fact that the Mormons, Catholics and JWs believe in the same Christ as the rest of the christians.  If said ass clowns took the time to actually read their bibles, they'd know that believing in Jeebus is all that's required to be a christian (A man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. -- Romans 3:28; Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. -- Romans 5:1; A man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ. -- Galatians 2:16; For by grace are ye saved through faith. -- Ephesians 2:8 ). 

It seems to be the evangelicals who do the most of this.  Evangelicals are comprised primary of Baptists and various charismatic (tongue-speakers) religions.  They fail to see their own cultish beliefs.  Let's break it down for them.  They idolize an execution device.  They make jewelry out of it.  The erect giant execution devices for which they spent large sums of money - not for the purpose of carrying out executions, but rather for the sake of glorifying the device itself.  They glorify blood sacrifice.  Some christian denominations practice symbolic cannibalism.  The Catholics believe the water and wine physically transform into the actual flesh and blood of Christ (transubstantiation), thus by their own beliefs, they practice ritual cannibalism.   Christians are obsessed by what happens after they die.  In fact, they're so obsessed with the so-called afterlife that they devalue the here and now.  To top it off, they consider practicing this bizarre bullshit to be a requirement for holding public office in the United States.  This brings me to my next point. 

Churches are tax exempt, but there are a few caveats.  IRS Code §501(c)(3) spells out what tax exempt organizations such as churches can and cannot do.  Endorsing candidates and lobbying are on the list of thou shalt nots.  Of course, the loophole is that it was the preacher doing it on his own and not as a representative of the First Douchebag Church.  Bullshit on all of that.  The church wants to meddle in the affairs of the state, thus I say tax the living dog shit out of the church.  Then tax the dog shit.  Let's see how many mega churches they build then.  Of course, finding a politician with the gonads to enforce 501(c)(3) is like finding a preacher with morals.  If there's one out there, he's on his own. 

Now that I've told you how all christian religions are nothing more than cults, I'm must sign off to practice the one true religion.  I am a slave to bunnies.  That's right, moonbats.  I worship the bunnies.  I do whatever they say.  They make no promises of afterlife and they grant no prayers or requests.  They do, however allow me to give them nose rubs and deem me worthy to feed them and clean their litter pans.  What more could one ask from one's chosen deity?

Horatio inspects the Christmas presents with a critical eye to ensure that they are acceptable and to make sure that there are boxes and boxes of treats for bunnies.  All hail the Mighty Horatio.