Jebus on Facebook

Before I get to today's bark, I do have an announcement.  The Moonbat family has grown yet again.  Militant Atheist Son got married this past week.  He married a nice, Atheist girl.  We're very happy to welcome her to the bat cave. 

Now, down to the barkin'.  Bible thumpers never miss an opportunity to try to thump the rest of us with their weapon of choice.  If the opportunity isn't there, they'll do something to create an opportunity.  They view social networks such as Facebook (and the old MSN and Yahoo groups) as a great, big proselytizing playground.  Unfortunately, this hasn't replaced the knock-knock fundies.  It's only supplemented the effort.  The good thing about the electronic preaching is that one can always delete, ignore, or otherwise discard the offending data without having to suffer through its contents.   Today, I thought I'd pick through some of the more nauseating, annoying, irksome skydaddyjebusrighteousspook posts/messages/groups making the rounds and poke a little fun at them.  Feel free to jump in with your own snarky commentary if the notion strikes.

First up, we have a couple of farts designed to be Facebook statuses.  

This methane bomb:

"When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. When he sees you living it, he flees. And just when you're about to re-post this, he'll try to discourage you......Any takers?"

My response:  Fuck you.  (Granted, that's my response to all religious bullshit.)  There is no Satan, and if there was, he's not worried about your petty ass.  Your buybull doesn't cause him to faint or collapse, and it wasn't Satan who caused me to not spread your load of bullshit.  It was logic and reason and a flat out disdain for stupidity that prevented me from reposting. 

And this turd in the trousers:

"I personally believe in Jesus Christ. One Facebooker has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. The Bible says, if you deny Me in front of your peers, I will deny you in front of My Father. This is a simple test. If you are not afraid to show it, re-post this. I proudly did~ I don't just believe in him, I know Him."

This one annoys me more that most.  That whole "if you deny me, I'll deny you" childishness just sticks in my craw.  It's the Bronze Age goat herders' version of "you would if you love me" and people do it to this day.  Oh, and if you don't repost it, then you're afraid.  It goes back to the mentality of "you have to do it my way or you're wrong" that I wrote about when discussing southerners.  Then there's that "I know Him" bit.  I never understood why xtians capitalized pronouns.  Him is not a proper noun, thus in the above sentence, it should not be capitalized.  I would like to know how the fundy in question knows "Him" (sic), though.  Has he personally appeared before her - man, myth and legend - in the flesh?  Or is it just a bunch of so-called signs?  Maybe she saw jebus in the urine stain in the carpet where the puppy piddled.  Inquiring minds would like to know.

There are also several pages and groups devoted to kissing skydaddy's ass all day, every day.  It can be fun to sit and read the crap.  It has to be taken with a grain of salt, though; or one could get mighty depressed at the thought that these people live among us, the vote and they breed. 

We have this:

"WITHOUT HIM , LIFE CANNOT BE LIVE TO THE FULLEST, WITH UNCONDITION LOVE, THANK YOU FOR RESCURING ME , FRIST , FROM MYSELF , THAN SIN,,THANK YOU JESUS, WHERE THERE'S POWER AT THE CROSS."

Xtians love all-caps.  They have to shout about jebus, after all.  One thing that stands out with the above dog turd is that the spelling and grammar are atrocious.  That is a commonality among jebus people on the net.  I don't understand why.  I don't condone their lack of scientific knowledge, but at least I understand why that happens.  The bible - the King James version, at least - is the epitome of the King's English.  One would think that they could at least have a basic knowledge of spelling and grammar. 

Next:

"I said, " The path is steep." He said, " I'm at your side."
I said, "But I am weak." He said, "For you I died."
...I said, "Dark valleys come." He said, "I'll guide you through."
I said, "But I'm not brave." He said, "I'll walk with you."
I said, "Be light to me, And strength as I go on."
He said, "I'm more. I'm love, You'll never walk alone."

Alright, how about:  I said:  "My leg got blown off by an IED."  He said:  "Sucks to be you."

Shit in one hand and pray in the other.

Another ditty:

"Ask The Elder Radio Show  To ALL Atheists..... Please stay away from these ridiculous Atheist websites that sends you out on a Wild Goose chase to ask Christians the same questions over and over again to try and prove that God doesn't exist. Due to your ignorance on how to interpret the bible, you will trip and fall every time. You just wasted 2 weeks of my life asking circular questions. Then after you fail, you get tongue tide and use profanity and threats of violence. But thanks for hitting the "Like" button"

This one made me  think of my buds Bart and Brent.  They're gooooood at heckling fundy pages.  However, there isn't really any organized atheist movement to go we therefore and harass all fundies.  Dipshit ads for fundy pages appear on the right side of the screen and we get sick of it.  Go to any atheist-based page and check the right side of your screen.  Fundy pages galore.  We're atheists, for fuck's sake.  We don't want any skydaddy.  I guess some fundy thought it would be a really nifty way to save souls by putting jebus pages out there anytime the word "atheist" appears.  They didn't think that one through.  We just go to your pages to harass the living hell out of you, and if you have half a brain, you'll end up questioning your own beliefs when we're through with you.  If you don't want to be bothered by us, the solution is simple:  leave us the fuck alone. 

Finally, I'd like to share a link to a doozy.  I think those tongue speaking fuckers are completely, unabashedly, beyond any doubt, full-blown batshit crazy.  There's no other way to put it.  Rather than copy and paste snippets and try to figure out who is more batshit than whom, I'll just post a link to the page and you can dig it for yourself. 

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Speaking-in-Tongues/39727361497

Admittedly, I'm half tempted to join the page, post sybionekholibyahsy shoudtnbytgapspgt hshsytbjtt, tell 'em I'm typing in tongues and see if anyone amens it.

That's it for today, moonbats.  Until next time, that image in your toast isn't Jeebus.  It's the Zig Zag man.